Redneck Dirty Santa Gift Idea: Redneck Wine Glasses, Larry the Cable Guy's Chicken Mix, and Reindeer Poop (Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies)

Somehow it seems wrong to post this one on my food blog... being poop related and all. I decided poop is funny no matter what, so here it is.  We are invited to our friend's annual Christmas Party in Tuscaloosa for tomorrow where we always have a blast. They always do a dirty santa swap. Instructions specifically said no "dirty" dirty santa (there have been hilarious inappropriate gifts in the past).  Last time, I think I brought a cute martini shaker at Target and stuck a jar of olives it in for a "Dirty Martini" gift set.  I ended up going home with an awesome mixed pack of gourmet beer. I think it is funny to play off the word dirty, so this year I went in a totally different direction.  

The redneck wine glasses are very easy to make once you find the right parts. My mother taught me how to make these. People sell these things like crazy on Etsy.com but usually with bigger ball jars.  I find that many of these use ball jars that are too big and the glasses look awkward, tip over, or just look ugly.  I like the half-pint Ball brand jars that have the ball logo on one side, and a bunch of fruit on the other. The bottoms are glass candlesticks.  You can find these for anywhere from 50 cents to $4 a piece depending on what kind you get.  Glue them together with glass epoxy and let them sit for 24 to 72 hours to cure completely.  Theoretically they are dishwasher safe, though I recommend still hand washing them. 

Redneck Wine Glass Poem to add to:

This here's a wine glass that's made jest fer you

Ya'll can drink your vino or some homemade brew.

Attached is a tag to let ya know whoz is whoz

and it's a to-go apperattis with a lid and screw.

They are very easy to make.  I have been selling them for $5 a piece and was shocked when I went in to Harrison Brothers in Huntsville, AL the other day and they were selling them for $18 a piece!  Way too much!

I paired them with a box of Larry the Cable Guy Chicken Mix.  I saw it at Dollar Tree and busted out laughing.  He has a whole line of this type stuff. 

http://www.amazon.com/Larry-Cable-Muffin-Box-You-Git-R-Done/dp/B006BXB15S

Last but not least, I added a big batch of Reindeer Poop!  You probably grew up calling these no-bake cookies or  Preacher's Cookies.  I call them Cow Patties which is just as bad as Reindeer Poop!  These are so easy to make and are just a quick no worries comfort food. Kids love them!

Tie them all up together with a recipe card and VOILA!  

REINDEER POOP

1/2 cup butter

4 tablespoons cocoa powder

2 cups sugar

1/2 cup milk

1/8 tsp. salt

3 cups old fashioned rolled oats (quick cooking oats)

1/2 cup peanut butter 

1 tsp vanilla extract

Directions:  Mix butter, sugar, milk, cocoa powder and salt together in a medium saucepan.  Bring this mixture to a boil.  Recipes differ for how long to boil, some want you to reach a specific temperature on a candy thermometer. I let it go 1-3  minutes until it looks well combined.  Move the mixture off the eye and stir in the vanilla and peanut butter until completely combined.  Then add the oats.  Drop by tablespoons onto wax paper and let cool completely.  You can make pretty perfect circles for Preacher's Cookies or you can make disgusting shapes.  

Gift Poem taken from another blog:

Reindeer Poop Poem

I woke up with such a scare when I heard Santa call...
"Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
I ran to the lawn, and in the snowy white drifts,
those nasty reindeer had left "little gifts".

I got an old shovel and started to scoop
Neat little piles of "reindeer poop."
but to throw them away seemed such a waste,
So I saved them, thinking you might like a taste!

As I finished my task, which took quite a while,
Old Santa passed by and he sheepishly smiled.
And I heard him exclaim as he rose to the sky~~~
"Well, they're not potty trained, but at least they can fly!"